FAVORITE SPEAKER

For Matt

� As most infection control nurses know, staff listens more to someone else giving the same message you're trying to get across on a daily basis.

� And so it was that the state department of public health referrd me to Matt, suggesting that an inservice by him might be of use to the staff. He could tell him from a personal perspective what it's like to be living HIV positive.

� He came, he spoke, and he conquered. The older female staff wanted to mother him, and lined up to be listed (their idea, not mine) to care for him should he become ill. The younger female staff were awed by his honesty, his humor, and his compassion. They asked that he come back again, and he does. On a regular basis, many times at no cost to the facility.

� We have become friends, my son, myself and Matt. We cherish his friendship, agonize when blood tests are due, and wonder at his never ending ability to cope.

� When his blood tests come back indicating that the HIV is again free-floating, we fear for him - maybe this time the meds won't work. Or maybe, as Matt has voiced, it's time, after 14 years of living with the virus, that it's time to say "enough".

� We are selfish in that we don't want him to give up. And yet we can't walk in his shoes. All we can do is carry on the message he's asked us to. We do that every chance we get. Because we don't want his life, when the time comes, not to have had meaning.

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