�

SLEEPING ON

THE SLOPE

AH HA!!! Bet you thought this had something to do with skiing, snowboarding or other such nonsense. Right?

nope

But you can follow the steps below to participate vicariously in this sad saga.

1. Get yourself an old - and I mean OLD bed. One of those with that nifty victorian veneer. Yeah - that's right - the one that's been up in the barn for a while. No slats.

2. Got the bed? Good. Now put in in your bedroom. Attempt to place a mattress on it.

AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!

3. What happened? Did the box spring fall through on one side?

4. OK. So get yourself some pieces of 2x4, get out your trusty hammer and nails, widen the thing that's supposed to hold the slats on. Got it? Great.

5. Make the bed, and sleep in it. Quite happily for a number of months.

6. OH MY GOODNESS! What do you MEAN you let one of your friends sit on the edge of the bed? Without warning her of its' fragility.

suddenly . .�. plunk

NOW she's sitting butt-below the rail, 'cuz the box spring is now making very good friends with the floor.

5. All right. So it was a mistake to let her sit there. So you prop the box spring up on books, and go on a hunt to find someone who can glue/duct tape/woodscrew/nail/clamp this thing back together.

6. And it works.

until late one night

it's cold

the electric blanket's on

making the bed nice and warm.

the dog's just come into the

house . .�.

and you both hit the bed at the same time.

7. Actually, it's not that bad. If you grab a teddy bear that's over a foot high and plump, place it firmly under your stomach on�the down hill side, you're fairly comfortable. Just don't roll over.

8. The Murphys are now looking for donations for a new bed. Something that was manufactured within the last 200 years that would hold the Jolly Green Giant. They're not unreasonable. They'd just like to get rid of the feeling they have every morning that their brains are permanently listed to port.

� �

�